So, here’s your fair warning that this post will be long and mostly for my Journaling benefit than an actual blog post. With that said, here goes.
During the months of November thru January (with the exception of the two weeks at Christmas while Landon was home), the only communication I had with my sweetheart of almost eight years was via mail. No, not E-mail, just the plain, old fashion mailman mail. Needless to say, it was very hard and I missed him like crazy. I missed everything about our relationship. I missed snuggling and talking before we went to sleep at night, laughing about things the kids did, the way he smelled (good or bad), hearing the garage door go up and knowing he was home from work, listening to him working somewhere in the house, getting a hug from him, watching him play with the kids, having his help with dinner, the kids or whatever else I needed. (I have the BEST husband ever!) There were so many things that I missed and still do miss (now that it’s been five months since we’ve been together longer than for a couple days) about our relationship. It’s better now because we get to talk every night on the phone, so we actually do get to communicate in real time. I kept telling myself before he graduated basic training (which was when our only phone time was every couple weeks for like 15-20 minutes) that I was going to write a letter to myself about how I was feeling during that time when we didn’t have any contact. Then, when we were back together and we had a disagreement over something I thought was a big deal, I could come back and read the letter and remind myself how lucky I was to have him in my life every day and tell myself not to take it for granted. Well, as you can see, said blog post never happened and I have regretted not writing my feelings down.
Fast forward to today. I unexpectedly had to have my gall bladder removed on Monday and have pretty much not been able to be a Mommy all week. A little "down time" is an understatement. Well, here I am waiting for my kids to wake up from their nap so I can pick them up at my in-laws and I am realizing how much I miss everything about my life with them. I am no different from any young mother in that a break from everyday life is needed, welcomed and yes, at times, yearned for. But now that I’ve had some "alone time" (yes, I know the first few of those days were spent heavily medicated, but I’ve been feeling much better the last couple days) I’ve had enough. My point is, I miss my kids like crazy!! I miss the funny things that they say to me, their snuggles and kisses, the talks that we have, making them (and yes, even cleaning up) meals, the way my Averie asks me to play Barbies with her, watching my little Bossa walk around with his shoulders shrugged up, seeing Easton come home from school and talking about his day. I wanted to write this "letter to me" to remind myself that on days that I feel like I’ve had it to here with diapers, and princesses and jelly that this is the stuff that my joy comes from. I have some people in my life that have said that they feel like they are lost and I’ve never really understood that until now. This last couple days I have felt lost without my kids and of course my sweetheart. Without them, my life would be so be empty and . . . well, boring. Yeah, it’s nice to get a nap and have a clean house, but I don’t even need naps when I don’t have my kids to wear me out during the day and it’s quite lonely when the only dirty dishes in your sink are the ones that you just put in there at breakfast.
Believe me, this post is not a "my life is so wonderful, let me tell you about how perfect I am and how I’m "seriously so blessed!". I just wanted to write myself a letter so that in a month or a week or heck, maybe half an hour after I pick up my kids, I can remind myself how lost I would be without them and how much I love them in my life. With the exception of having my sweetheart back with us, I wouldn’t change a thing about my life. I am grateful for both experiences because I’ve learned SO much about myself and the things that bring me true joy.
During the months of November thru January (with the exception of the two weeks at Christmas while Landon was home), the only communication I had with my sweetheart of almost eight years was via mail. No, not E-mail, just the plain, old fashion mailman mail. Needless to say, it was very hard and I missed him like crazy. I missed everything about our relationship. I missed snuggling and talking before we went to sleep at night, laughing about things the kids did, the way he smelled (good or bad), hearing the garage door go up and knowing he was home from work, listening to him working somewhere in the house, getting a hug from him, watching him play with the kids, having his help with dinner, the kids or whatever else I needed. (I have the BEST husband ever!) There were so many things that I missed and still do miss (now that it’s been five months since we’ve been together longer than for a couple days) about our relationship. It’s better now because we get to talk every night on the phone, so we actually do get to communicate in real time. I kept telling myself before he graduated basic training (which was when our only phone time was every couple weeks for like 15-20 minutes) that I was going to write a letter to myself about how I was feeling during that time when we didn’t have any contact. Then, when we were back together and we had a disagreement over something I thought was a big deal, I could come back and read the letter and remind myself how lucky I was to have him in my life every day and tell myself not to take it for granted. Well, as you can see, said blog post never happened and I have regretted not writing my feelings down.
Fast forward to today. I unexpectedly had to have my gall bladder removed on Monday and have pretty much not been able to be a Mommy all week. A little "down time" is an understatement. Well, here I am waiting for my kids to wake up from their nap so I can pick them up at my in-laws and I am realizing how much I miss everything about my life with them. I am no different from any young mother in that a break from everyday life is needed, welcomed and yes, at times, yearned for. But now that I’ve had some "alone time" (yes, I know the first few of those days were spent heavily medicated, but I’ve been feeling much better the last couple days) I’ve had enough. My point is, I miss my kids like crazy!! I miss the funny things that they say to me, their snuggles and kisses, the talks that we have, making them (and yes, even cleaning up) meals, the way my Averie asks me to play Barbies with her, watching my little Bossa walk around with his shoulders shrugged up, seeing Easton come home from school and talking about his day. I wanted to write this "letter to me" to remind myself that on days that I feel like I’ve had it to here with diapers, and princesses and jelly that this is the stuff that my joy comes from. I have some people in my life that have said that they feel like they are lost and I’ve never really understood that until now. This last couple days I have felt lost without my kids and of course my sweetheart. Without them, my life would be so be empty and . . . well, boring. Yeah, it’s nice to get a nap and have a clean house, but I don’t even need naps when I don’t have my kids to wear me out during the day and it’s quite lonely when the only dirty dishes in your sink are the ones that you just put in there at breakfast.
Believe me, this post is not a "my life is so wonderful, let me tell you about how perfect I am and how I’m "seriously so blessed!". I just wanted to write myself a letter so that in a month or a week or heck, maybe half an hour after I pick up my kids, I can remind myself how lost I would be without them and how much I love them in my life. With the exception of having my sweetheart back with us, I wouldn’t change a thing about my life. I am grateful for both experiences because I’ve learned SO much about myself and the things that bring me true joy.
